Today is a good day- 80 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, already went to the gym- (3 days in a row, I cannot believe it). I killed my arms yesterday and I am so sore to the point where I can barely lift my son.
Well, I've come to the conclusion that I have a magical blog. Over the past three days of writing, and 4 previous days of snooping, I'm in a really good place. 7 days sober today and feeling really good. These blogs, I'm serious, have helped me float through my first week of sobriety- and other than my pregnancy, I haven't been sober for 14 years. First, I vented about coke- the fuckin bastard. Since I vented by writing my anger down, I have experienced closure in a sense and I am less anxious when the thought of that drug crosses my mind- it ALM0ST completely destroyed my life.
Secondly, I bitched about my crazy fears yesterday- thanks for all your responses- you are all so sweet, understanding and helpful with your advice. So, magically, I had no fear last night. I even forgot to bring my cordless phone into my bedroom, ready to call 911 when my intruder breaks in. Guess what? He didn't break in last night. I prayed before bed, and went to sleep next to my baby.
He's so cute, he makes these little moaning sounds when he falls asleep. I gave him a bottle at 5am, then he passed back out until 9am- love it. But I was up at 5, feeling peaceful and I just stared at him. He has grown so much. He looks just like his father and because his dad isn't here, its so nice to look at his son. He even lets me snuggle with him and I put my head lightly on his shoulder- he seems to like it. He also makes the cutest noises- hardly ever cries. He just has what I call, anxiety attacks- it runs in the family...lol. When he has his little fits when I am doing something and can't pick him up, he literally says "mama". I know he's too young to talk, but he calls after me saying "mama" daily. He even did it in the dentist office yesterday and the nurse was like- oh my god he just said mama!! He learned to roll over and is trying to crawl. I want him to crawl but then I'm gonna have to freaking chase him around the house- ahhh!
Well, as I said. I have a magical blog. When I write things down, I feel physical relieve and closure. And again, your comments mean the world to me. I am so proud of myself that I made it one week today. It would have been so hard without all of you. Well, I can't wait to tell my Dad about my decision to get sober for good. He is a functioning alcoholic, a total cutie, just divorced my mom (best thing ever), and its so funny because within a year and a half, they are both remarried. My Mom chose a very nice older man, whose a doll. My Dad just married a 32 year old Hungarian sex pot- GO POPS! I love her to death, she's the best. My old boyfriend was the same age as her- so funny. Coolest step mom ever. Big drinker, but very lovely. Her and my Dad are really perfect for each other.
Well, I can't wait until my Dad and his hot ass wife move 15 minutes from me at the end of the month. I will have a permanent babysitter and can go to as many meetings as I can- I really want to go to the meetings- I want that support. But I have all you so thanks again! (Inmates wife told me to stop thanking her, so thanks again, girl!)
Have a nice night, everyone.
Krista- day 7 and I ain't drinkin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8 comments:
Funny how that works, writing or talking about something, & getting feed back. It helps me too. Sometimes I don't know what's buggin' me till I get into action (writing, talking). It just comes out, & I go whoa, where did that come from.
Your baby is soooo cute. I can almost hear him making those little noises. I loved your post.
Keep Coming Back,
Love Sharon
I am always amazed at what...and who...God puts in our path.
Keep bitching all you want...you are a talented writer and I'd guess it'll continue to be cathartic for you.
You are doing so well. Proud of ya girl.
Hey--Just wanted to say hi back and welcome to sobriety. You're at the beginning of a great, fun adventure. I'm glad to be in touch. And I'm proud of you. Just keep it simple, don't drink, go to meetings, keep blogging. You go, girl!
Day seven and the magic and miracles have just begun for you! It does feel good to dump the crap huh? I do it frequently, at meetings, on my blog, with my sponsor... I used to always apologize for dumping, but no one seemed to mind at all, maybe it helps us all!
Thanks for trustin' me with your digits, I'll be stalkin' to ya later today OK? Glad we're in the same (time) zone!!
Love you, and that beautiful boy baby!
happy day 8!!! (its Saturday) I am glad you are blogging, and it is making you feel better. I know for me early in recovery, it was simple things that helped me so much. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, suitin up and showin up... and you will see
Your son is adorable!
It's not a magical blog; it's some magical decisions you've made: to stay sober, to talk/post about your fears, to pray about them. It will continue to get better too, not in a straight line—the ups and downs will persist—but the overall trend will be up over time. Those who know you will notice it far earlier than you do. And the only requirement is for you to "do a few simple things and be willing to have the desire to drink removed" ("The Keys of the Kingdom", Alcholics Anonymous, p. 273 in the Fourth Edition).
It was so good to read this... remember as well as 'getting it all out' you have this here to go back to when you have difficult days to remember how good it feels when you are sober and how far you have come.
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