First post ever- 4 days clean

Hello. I guess I wanted to conquer my computer illiteracy and start a recovery blog of my own. Its kinda distracting with my five month old little angel of a son making a shit load of noise in the background but my life has been more complicated than this! I guess I have a fear that no one will read it but that's totally not the point. I need to write my thoughts down as I venture into recovery. Its so nerveracking to admit that I am an alcoholic and drug addict but I am and I finally need to chAAnge. I've felt kinda nosy reading all your blogs but they have been sooo helpful getting me started and keeping me four days clean- since I have been unable to get to a meeting cuz I don't have a babysitter!! But my prospects are just out of town and will be back next week.

I must say that Lushgirls blog was the first one I read and her quotation at the top of her page really hit home and I ran out and bought the Big Book.

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self seeking will slip away.Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not.They are being fulfilled among us- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them".- - -AA- Lushgirl

I have never felt so confident in my recovery and it makes such perfect sense to my crazy brain. Its been a CRAZY 13 years and I truly cannot believe that I made it out alive. I could have totally died a million times. It still baffles me how I managed to stop using during my pregnancy- thank the lord for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I can't freakin wait to get to a meeting and start creating the awesome blogs like all yours that have inspired me so- not to mention the emails you have sent to me. The thought that strangers are reaching out to me in the nicest way is just so wonderful. God, I love the sound of my son anxiety attacks when I can't hold him. He is sooo spoiled- I'm in trouble.
I really hope to get to know all of you better as my sobriety days go on. All I know is that I'm not going to drink today.

To my dad and son, A song by Sara Evans:
"You'll Always Be My Baby"

There I was ten years old
Waiting in my room for him to come home
I just knew he'd be so mad
Though I begged my mother not to, she told my dad.
There was no denying I let him down
But instead of being angry
He put his arms around me and said

In the sunlight or the rain, brightest nights or darkest days
I'll always feel the same way
Whatever road you may be on
Know you're never too far gone my love is there wherever you may be
Just remember that you will always be my baby.

There I was twenty one
Oh I was so ashamed of what I'd done
On a country road
Parked one night
What started out so innocent
Crossed the line
There was no denying
I let God down
But instead of being angry
He let his love surround me and I heard

In the sunlight or the rain, brightest nights or darkest days
I'll always feel the same way
Whatever road you may be on
Know you're never too far gone
My love is there wherever you may be
Just remember that you will always be my baby yeah yeah.

There he is my little man
I'm sure he'll get in trouble every now and then
And I pray to god that when he does
I'll be just as understanding as my father was
'cause the last thing that I want to do is let him down
So instead of being angry
I'm gonna throw my arms around him and I'll say

In the sunlight or the rain, brightest nights or darkest days
I'll always feel the same way whatever road you may be on
No you're never too far gone
My love is there wherever you may be
Just remember that you will always be my baby be my baby