Soo, today was okay. I got hardly any sleep last night because of my sleep apnea, falling asleep and waking up in panic cause I haven't taken a breath in a minute...I was up until 2am, again-- While my son is out like a light taking up the whole bed. He slept from 8pm-9:45 while I was watching The Biggest Loser, I love that show. He woke up and was up until midnight holding his feet straight up in the air, wide awake. I was soo tired from the 3 hours of sleep I had the night before, but it was better than recovering from a coke binge, that's for sure. Finally he passed out and I just struggled to breath, What The F**K!
I went to the dentist this morning to get impressions of my teeth for a mouth guard because I grind my teeth like a caveman and will have nubs for teeth in 5 years. I'm surprised I even have teeth or gums from all the coke I've rubbed on them... Anyway, impressions give me nightmares of my retainer and headgear dayz when I had to get them done. The rookie nurse kept f-ing up and I had to do them 3 times. The 3rd time I was full on gagging and preferred childbirth to to this goopy clay running down the back of my throat. I was ready to forget the mouth guard all together, but I did it. I made it through a gross but menial sort of challenge. So, yeah for me.
I then got my windshield fixed from the whale of the truck that kicked up a rock and broke it. Double yeah.
THEN, I got a certified letter from the NH State Prison where my future hubby resides. It wasn't a nice note. The last time I was there, I was pissy. Got a ticket on the way there and was "verbally abused" by the hick guard. I had to pee so bad and my son was asleep on his dad. The guard wouldn't let me pee without bringing him to the toilet while I pissed. I kinda mouthed off, who ME??? So, later on I needed his formula which I left out in the car. I have been able to go outside during visits, smoke a butt, get a diaper, etc. But not on the watch of this fucking schmuck. I told him that I was able to go to my car on at least 7 different occasions and I didn't bring the formula in and I needed it cause my son was hungry. He said if I stepped outside, I couldn't be able to come back in. What...am I the prisoner?? They should be consistant then, or I wouldn't have left the shit in the car expecting the ability to go outside. I just rolled my eyes and gave my son water to drink. So he documented my rudeness and they sent me a letter, not prohibiting further visits, but stating that if I try to leave the visitation area without my son, I can no longer drive 8 fucking hours to see my baby daddy. I respect their want for control, but I just have to say- FUCK YOU NEW HAMPSHIRE, YOU FUCKING HICK STATE..NO HELMETS, NO SEATBELTS, NO PROBLEM, WE LIVE IN THE WOODS.... No offense to any NH residents of course. Anyway, my neck is killing again, but I haven't drank since my big sip so that's good. I have a job interview tomorrow morning, ahh, I have to dress up, that sucks. Anyway, love ya all, talk to you soon.
12 comments:
Love your Comment about NH... That is hilarious!!!
I agree about them needing to be consistent. I think sometimes the guards get tired of their job and just take it out on who ever... Karma though... cant preach it enough. It will happen one day to him, he will need help, assistance or something and it will come from the most unlikely source in his eyes... most likely someone with a past similar to those whom he treats like shit now. I love how the world goes around.
Good Luck on your interview... confidence is everything.
Ah well--consider yourself warned. Go figure...someone who's gonna follow the rules! *chuckling*
Nevermind. We do what we need to do and not what we wanna do, eh?
Used to do what I wanted to...and BOY did things get messy fast!
Another sober day! Wooohooo for YOU!
8 hours is a long time to drive and then be picked on isn't it.
Thanks for your comment. I've been busy but was going to check on you tomorrow and see how you're doing.
My blog feeds are in alphabetical order. I'll go back to alternating - starting with the bottom next time and working my way up.
i don't like people in uniform. and i think they feel it. rebellious teenager all over with them guys.... so toffee to those guys who give you a hard time!!!!!
good luck with the sleeping thingy and good GOOD luck with the job interview!!! hope you like them!!!
sorry it kept you up...but your little guy lying there all awake with his feet up in the air sounds awfully cute.
Good luck with the interview tomorrow!
Hey, hey, hey, good luck at the interview!!!! Your post about panic attacks was intense. I cannot imagine what it feels like. Thanks for check in on me.
Sorry about the bullshit letter, and hopefully the same guard won't be there next time.
Tell us you have an appt sooner than later for the breathing thing. That scares the hell out of me.
Again, good luck and let us know how it goes!!!!!!
the Dentist: you know how I LOVE dentists! - NOT. I feel for ya there!
the job interview: GOOD LUCK! Glad it is you & not me! LOL. Seriously - you'll do fine.
Neck hurting? Got ya beat there sista girl! ha. RELAXXXXXXXXX
Meetings: GO. Go to several - meeting "hop" for a while.. they are all different. Find one where you feel at "home". Then go often as you can - the more you get to know people the more comfortable you become. Then let the miracle happen sweetie.
Thank you Krista for leaving comments on my blogs. Am checking to see how you are doing. That's a load, having your lover in prison, & having to drive so far to see him, then being treated that way. Wouldn't you hate to have their job, tho? EWWW!
Good luck on your job interview. You're such a sweetie, I know they'll hire you. Take care.
Hey Krista!... I have missed so much due to the fact that I'm a workin' gurl now! For what it's worth, I am very grateful to have had the choice to not work in my first year of recovery. For me, I was able to just focus on my healing and make sure my foundation was somewhat solid.
RE: your previous post...I also have suffered from debilitating panic attacks, esp, when I got sober the second time. I have found that this time around, for the most part, the feelings of losing control grow less frequent the longer I stay sober.
As far as the beurocracy of the 'system', sopmetimes I think that people who weild any kind of power ie:prison guards, can become intoxicated with their own self-importance. I often tell my daughter that sometimes the rules just suck, but we don't always have the choice to not follow them!
Hope your interview goes well, and if you are meant to get this job, you will!
Love to you my gurl!!!
.... and why are you so quiet?
where you at girl?
Congratulations on your new job! I know you're a working gurl now, I however, miss you coming by my blog. Haven't heard from you for awhile. You haven't forgotten me have you? Love ya Hope you're going to meetings.
Post a Comment